Have I mentioned I HATE chemo?

"In the end there is no proof that chemotherapy in the vast majority of cases actually extends life."---Interview of Dr Ralph Moss, Ph.D.


Oh Chemo,
how you ruin lives, more importantly the lives of three women I love with my whole heart. As most of you know my mom has been going through chemo since September, but next week my 77 year old grandmother beings chemo and radiation for the tumor that was on her brain. I went to see her tonight, and as I sat by her bed and held her hand, I noticed how skinny my volumptious grandmother had gotten. Then I was reminded of how much weight my mom has lost and of course alls I can relate it to is when my sister was sick. For my grandmother, this is the hardest thing she's ever done(besides losing my sister), laying in a bed, helpless. You know the women of our grandmothers generation. They were the ones making sure their husbands had everything they needed when they got home from work, and that dinners were always made at home. They were the ones who never complained about any type of pain and always took care of their family, neighbors, church congration better than a dr. could. Yes this was my grandmother. She is perfect and wonderful, genuine and better than I'll ever hope to be and watching her lay there makes me feel helpless as well. Today she cried because of how sick Chemo has made my mom. Since the chemo my mom takes is cumlative, each time she goes in, she just gets sicker and sicker. However my mom has an excellent out look. Everytime she feels bad she told me she thinks " this is nowhere near as bad as Heather felt, I try to remember that and I try not to complain". She once told me my sisters dosage of chemo was so strong and close to posion that they had to give her anti posion medication so it wouldn't kill her..chemo is the devil. I know my grandma is just scared. I know she is scared that she is in her late 70's trying to fight off cancer. Wouldn't you be scared too? Chemo and radiation has helped save millions of lives but has also not been any help at all and left patients with horrible side and life changing effects. So it's just a toss up. It's a chance. A chance that better save them both. Our family is far over due for a miracle..any day now please :)