Have I mentioned I HATE chemo?

"In the end there is no proof that chemotherapy in the vast majority of cases actually extends life."---Interview of Dr Ralph Moss, Ph.D.


Oh Chemo,
how you ruin lives, more importantly the lives of three women I love with my whole heart. As most of you know my mom has been going through chemo since September, but next week my 77 year old grandmother beings chemo and radiation for the tumor that was on her brain. I went to see her tonight, and as I sat by her bed and held her hand, I noticed how skinny my volumptious grandmother had gotten. Then I was reminded of how much weight my mom has lost and of course alls I can relate it to is when my sister was sick. For my grandmother, this is the hardest thing she's ever done(besides losing my sister), laying in a bed, helpless. You know the women of our grandmothers generation. They were the ones making sure their husbands had everything they needed when they got home from work, and that dinners were always made at home. They were the ones who never complained about any type of pain and always took care of their family, neighbors, church congration better than a dr. could. Yes this was my grandmother. She is perfect and wonderful, genuine and better than I'll ever hope to be and watching her lay there makes me feel helpless as well. Today she cried because of how sick Chemo has made my mom. Since the chemo my mom takes is cumlative, each time she goes in, she just gets sicker and sicker. However my mom has an excellent out look. Everytime she feels bad she told me she thinks " this is nowhere near as bad as Heather felt, I try to remember that and I try not to complain". She once told me my sisters dosage of chemo was so strong and close to posion that they had to give her anti posion medication so it wouldn't kill her..chemo is the devil. I know my grandma is just scared. I know she is scared that she is in her late 70's trying to fight off cancer. Wouldn't you be scared too? Chemo and radiation has helped save millions of lives but has also not been any help at all and left patients with horrible side and life changing effects. So it's just a toss up. It's a chance. A chance that better save them both. Our family is far over due for a miracle..any day now please :)

Cleveland Marathon

Soooo yesterday I began my 16 week training to walk a half marathon in May with my momma. However the weather makes "walking" kindof difficult so luckly for me my momma had bought me an eliptical to train on a few months ago. However this handly workout device is not your typical elpital from the gym. When I got a certain speed it tends to tip over. haha. Needless to say it is hard to know if I am getting the accurate workout I so need to be able to complete 16 miles in May. But I'm trucking along. :)

Welcome!

Hello!

Welcome to my blog! If you are returning visitor from last winter, nice to see you again! If this i your first time viewing my blog, I am so happy you took the time to check me out!


Why do I blog? I know I know, blogging can be pretty personal, depending on your reason for a blog, why would I want everyone to know so much about my life? Honestly I found the times that I have used a blog has let me release the feelings I have going through my body and i have found it really helps. It's like therapy. ha.ha.

No but really, if you are considering starting a blog, I say go for it! If you are begining a new chapter in your life (just got engagged, married, having a baby, buying a house) anything. It is comfort to write it down. And on top of that, everyone can just read your blog instead of telling the same story over and over and over again. ha.ha.

I'm still working out creative kinks to my blog, but I'm having fun doing it!

Enjoy!

Leonidas is a gift from God

About twice a week I take Leo to my grandma's rehab center to brighten her spirits. She had been asking for him for a days, and I found out he didn't have to be a therapy dog(which is his on his way to being) for me to bring him into the facility. But before I can even get back to her room, the other patients stop me in the great room ..well they don't stop me, they stop Leo. Just seeing the smiles that cross their faces when he rolls over or licks their hands. It's overwhelming. Sometimes they will talk to me for a good 20 minutes, other times they comment on how handsome he is and how sweet of a dog he is and then go on their way. It hurts my heart to think of these people (young and old) not having people visiting them. I am so overjoyed that I help lift their spirits for a few minutes with the gift of Leo. He truly is a blessing to not just me, but to my family. The same way Fergus was a blessing to our family when Heather was sick. If you are ever questioning getting a dog as a pet, I would say go right ahead and do it. It will be so worth it. Your life will dramatically change, but that will be okay. Its been a difficult road at times raising Leo on my own, but my parents have been fantastic support and helpers and I would be completely lost if Leo wasn't in my life.

Obsession

So my newest obsession to be brought to my attention by my lovely co-workers is my love for planning parties..for myself that is. I would have a party for EVERY holiday..even the ones we don't get off work for, if I could afford it. In college I would be that one person decked out in marti gras beads, shamrocks, chili peppers anything that would remotely festive and themed..I was all about it. Not to mention the countless theme parties we held at our house on 311 n. lincoln..for example ..Edward 40 Hands, Christmas Character, Beer Fest, Halloween, Fat Tuesday, First weekend of the Semester, Rock n Roll...we had a great time. Below are some pictures of our fun nights out.

RockNRoll

Edward 40 Hands

Christmas Characters

So back to my obsession, in my free time I constantly go on party favor and invitation websites. I am more in to planning my own party, than say being a party planner or what not. I love the idea of themes and having tons of favors for my guests. I am a big believer in making your guests happy and that is why for my birthdays I always make them a big deal with fun outings such as the Melting Pot, Karaoke Bars, Dave n Busters and party limos. I love to provide food and beverages(can we say 20394823 jelloshots?), anything I can do to assure my friends are having as good as time as I am. All these points have led my co-workers to conclusion that I have a party planning problem..but they are total reaping the benefits so I don't think they'll be complaining anytime soon ;)

Happy Hump Day!

I am so impressed on how much my spirits have risen these past few weeks. At one point I thought I had really hit the bottom, but I picked myself up and kept going. I am optimistic that something great is going to come into my life soon. But as my bestfriend Lindsey reminded me " It takes the bad things in life for us to recognize the good things" I mean what would the good things be if there were no bad things? hmm quite the question to ponder. ha.ha. I have come to really enjoy my new outlook on life. Having a sick family has completely kicked my butt into gear. I have been heard saying " I can't do anything about our family history, or what I have done to my body in the past, but I CAN change the route that I was going and try to prevent myself from getting cancer. I have already lost 5 pounds in two weeks, and I have upped my kickboxing classes to the max (four times a week). My mom and I are walking 13 miles in the Cleveland Marathon in May, so I am going to begin training for that this coming Sunday, and I want to also train to run my first 5k this March. Health has kind of consumed my life these past few weeks. I often can't believe how I let myself spin out of control those four years. 50 pounds. Wow that's alot of beer, swensons, olive garden and mac n cheese. Not to say I will still not enjoy those things but I have definitely been hit with reality and I am glad it came crashing down on me at this point in my life. To me I have NO OTHER CHOICE. I have to get healthy. That's the bottom line :) I am so ready for new things to come into my life and I am going slightly impatient waiting for them to happen..but I know that is normal :) Much thanks goes out to my best friends who have supported me through everything. I could not be who or where I am today with out them.

My Lifesavors

Finally Friday!!

Wahoo! It's Friday! This has for sure been a VERY long week, after having two short weeks because of holidays. Good news on the homefront..grandma is being moved to a facility where she can do rehab..and it is just a short 5-10 minutes from my condo! :) Sorry for having such a sloppy blog. I am still trying to figure out all these new features. With help of Ana I am moving along slowly but surely. Thanks Ana ;) Hope everyone has a great Friday night..I'm going to see BRIDE WARS with some girlfriends! Oh lord.

95%

Today has been a whirlwind of emotions, some of which I will prefer not to blog about, but others I want to scream from the mountain tops! My grandma's MRI came back showing they were able to remove 95% of the tumor on her brain! This is great news!! They are planning on bringing her back to Medina and put her in an assisted living place so she can do therapy there with the help of nurses. My only hope is she gets to go somewhere where my grandpa can stay with her too. My mom just called to tell me when she told my grandma I loved her she started to cry. Man I love that woman. And she just has to get better, there is no ifs ands or butts about it. check in later, I'm going to add some pictures when I get home...

I boycotted my blog for a few weeks

Hello world,
Well it has been a very eventful holiday season. My grandma had a biopsy on the tumor on her brain on Christmas Eve. She came home from the hospital on Christmas Day. It was a very different holiday, to say the least. Since her surgery she continued to get worse and her whole body was shutting down. She couldn't even walk, eat or do anything for herself, so my uncle and mom decided to admit her to the hospital on New Years Day. While there they did an MRI and saw her brain was bleeding. They life flighted her to the Cleveland Clinic where she has been ever since. Yesterday she had surgery to remove as much of the tumor as they could. I didn't get to see her while I was there because she was still sleeping, but wow talk about an emotional couple of days. At one point we thought she might be gone in 72 hours if she didn't have the surgery right away. I have really come to realize how important my family is to me, and how important my relationships with them are. It makes my want to have a big family some day even stronger. I can't wait til that day comes :)